If there’s anything I’ve learned from my years of trying and failing to amass an audience as an online creator, it’s that resilience is key. Constantly, I throw things at the wall and they never stick. What’s with this? Should I try a different surface, or do I need to find a stickier substance to throw? Alas, I may never know.
I have tried making a profit on my art: commissions, adoptables, Patreon, small business, etc. I have also tried making a profit on my writing craft: developmental editing, line editing, written commissions, etc. Would you believe that I have tried marketing every skill I consider myself being “good” at, to no avail?
Some situations have been more insightful than others. For example, I have learned to ALWAYS be weary of children on the internet after being scammed into critiquing work for free, and also almost sharing my NSFW content with someone underaged because I had assumed they were an adult (they were in an adult discord server). So, yes, never trust children on the internet. I am now exceedingly weary of where I spend my time online.
Regardless of my pit falls, I soldier onward. My latest exploit has been working on self publishing my first novel. I have set up a mailing list, previews, and found some of my hires to help me with the long and tedious process. As of writing this, my Indiegogo page is yet to be approved because I wrote a typo in my bank account info. Hooray! I get to wait another three to five business days for that!
Despite setting up an Indiegogo to help with the book launch, I am not particularly hopeful. My last exploit was to set up a booth at an art market in seattle. I had been before as a customer, and there had been a huge turn out. But, after I paid fifty dollars for a first-time-entry to the market, I ended up making only eighteen dollars back. Less, if you include all the money I spent on supporting my fellow struggling artists at the market. The organizers said there was a surprisingly low turn out, but I don’t particularly want to try my chances again. Next time I set up a booth, it will hopefully be at a free-entry market. We’ll see.
I am not good at building an audience or making money on what I love. Maybe it’s because I’m not consistent enough with my posting or maybe it’s because the algorithm has a personal grudge. I suppose I’ll figure it out one day.
My dream career path has always been to make my own way doing the things I love, writing and art. As a high schooler, I dreamed of being a full-time author. Now, as an adult, I dream of being a small business owner with a couple employees to help make some of my storytelling dreams a reality. As a jack-of-all-trades, it takes quite a bit of time for me to get any one project done by myself. Yesterday, in fact, I celebrated the three-year anniversary of me coming up with the concept for my queer drama (which I hope to publish by the end of this year or beginning of next). This is probably the first long term project I’ve ever completed—and it’s already the age of a toddler!
Even as a type this, I circle back to thoughts of business. What does writing this down really achieve? Am I wasting time that could be better spent toward fufilling my dreams? Maybe. But if I’ve learned anything from my eon-long journey toward success, it’s that writing and creativity is the core of my being. It has always been my dream (excluding when I was young, wherein after being asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I replied, ‘a horse!’) If I’m not writing or drawing or making something, am I really anything? I need to remind myself that I am. Even if nobody sees it, I am still a human, and I don’t need to constantly be putting my art into the world to be noticed by those who recognize me for who I am. If I am resilient, maybe one day an audience will form, but until then, I have my friends and family.